Where did my competitive spirit go? I know I still have vestiges of it but the truly deep one, the one that caused me to excel at the work I tried, it has either burned up or been hidden away. I prefer hidden away since the idea behind burning is the loss of whatever you burned. I can recall how during grade school I'd always have the other smart people to compare myself to. And then college came and I started slowing down but it was still there; sometimes unconscious competing against unknowing classmates. I never let it color my interactions with them but I always knew that air of competition existed for me. And then in my final years of undergrad/Master's, I stopped caring. Something happened to change my way of thinking and make me stop caring. Maybe it was the MCAT semester with 21 hours and being utterly exhausted, but I always have a nagging feeling that it was something else. Whether it was my larger interest in my friends, more games to play, more videos to watch, or more books to read, something changed in this world, in my brain to make my work ethic alter.
[shakes brain]...nope, still sleepy
2 comments:
I'm quite impressed that you had a competitive spirit to begin with. All I had was an apathetic ghoul.
*groan*
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