Thirty-six, Collection of Words

I've been reading blogs for years. I can even tell you when I first began reading them: January 2003. I was asked to do some webpage coding and was looking for some online tips. One of the sites had a link to Miss Shauny (what's new pussycat--in the blog links). I think she had an entry up around that time talking about her mom, The Mothership, and I loved it. It sounded like something I would use with my friends in normal conversation. Anyway, from Miss Shauny, I expanded to the rest of her posse and the InterBlog was opened up for me.

I never started a blog though. 4.833333333333333333... years later, I did. Not because I felt I had unbelievable wisdom to impart, or because I felt my writing was great, or because I wanted to brain fart out here, but because I thought it would be neat to participate in something with a friend. I have gone the thirty days. What more is there? I'm not really sure. The world did not begin on November 1st and shouldn't end tonight at 11:59:59 Greenwich Time. I think I will keep writing. When NaBloPoMo ends, I won't cease my daily posting. It has been refreshing to be forced to find something, no matter how minuscule, to write about during these thirty-seven blog entries.

In the end, it's just a collection of words

Thirty-five, Work Ethic

Where did my competitive spirit go? I know I still have vestiges of it but the truly deep one, the one that caused me to excel at the work I tried, it has either burned up or been hidden away. I prefer hidden away since the idea behind burning is the loss of whatever you burned. I can recall how during grade school I'd always have the other smart people to compare myself to. And then college came and I started slowing down but it was still there; sometimes unconscious competing against unknowing classmates. I never let it color my interactions with them but I always knew that air of competition existed for me. And then in my final years of undergrad/Master's, I stopped caring. Something happened to change my way of thinking and make me stop caring. Maybe it was the MCAT semester with 21 hours and being utterly exhausted, but I always have a nagging feeling that it was something else. Whether it was my larger interest in my friends, more games to play, more videos to watch, or more books to read, something changed in this world, in my brain to make my work ethic alter.

[shakes brain]...nope, still sleepy

Thirty-four, Post-High School

In India (and possibly the UK), students have to take placement exams at the end of high school to see if they can get into college and how high of a level they can pursue. This way, professional schools can be entered directly out of high school. This is vastly different from our setup of go-where-you-will to get whatever degree you want and needing a four-year Bachelor's degree before pursuing professional degrees (ex. Law School and Medical School). I have one friend who was a fully-trained doctor after 4.5 years of college and 1 year of internship. You know, that's tempting when facing 8 years of college (3 undergrad and 4 medicine) plus another 2 to 6 years of further education as a resident or fellow. But then the competition is fierce. Of the total number of spots open each year, fifteen times that number apply. And it's all based on academics rather than personality.

I'm not saying it's better here or there, just different.

Thirty-three, Chin

Our Nutrition lecturer in one of our courses has this strong chin. Sort of like this one, but a slightly younger fellow. I don't know why I notice this but I do.

*sigh*

Let me sleep...
Let me read...
Let me play...
Let me see my friends...

If you can't tell, I am tired. I thought I was tired sometimes back in undergrad. I think there was only one time where I got even close to being this worn out and it sure wasn't my final year in school. There's a golden light at the end of it; that's what keeps me going...

Thirty-two, Windsor

For some reason, heckling my roommate about his tie struck me as funny this morning.

In other news, 12 hour shift today, w00t!

Thirty-one, Something Funny

I cannot recall something today that was uproariously funny...that's dangerous. I'll work on that for tomorrow, see if I can't scrounge something up. Oh! I fell asleep while reading a book during lunch and apparently two classmates who were in the room with me thought I was engrossed in my book. At least until one of them poked me and I jerked awake. How's that? Huzzah!

Thirty, The Weekend

What to write about. There are the past four days in which I was able to spend time at home, with some little kiddos, play many video games, finish a book, and got to hang out with one of my best friends. But my heart isn't into writing on that. With the advent of Sunday evening, my friend is back in Texas, the video game of the month is on another computer, and sleep requirements will force me to bed around 9 tonight. My body which has been delighting in the antics of the past four days is slowing down in preparation for switching back to "school" mode. But my mind, as with many people, isn't slowing down fast enough. So I sit here relaxed and ready to head to bed while my mind relives different portions of the weekend. Whether it's letting a 2 year old roll over me on his inflatable ball or pondering conversation topics from yesterday and how they ranged, it's all being reviewed and archived somewhere in my head. Only downside is that I usually can't access those specifics after a week or so since the neural relations just aren't maintained. Such is my brain.

I'll be resting soon and at least for tonight I will have vivid dreams.

Twenty-nine, Filth

Daaaaang this keyboard is filthy.

Twenty-eight, Webcam

Yeah, I'm a consumer whore sometimes. Most noticeably on the Friday after Thanksgiving. I can't help the summons for cheap prices on usually expensive and elaborate items. So this morning I crawled from bed to Staples to get some stuff. Oddly enough, one of those purchases was another webcam. Yes, I typed "another" because I realize I've been purchasing webcams for many years now. To date I've obtained my own webcam, one for a friend in Alaska, one for a friend in Texas, another for the Texan friend's local family, this one I nabbed today, and I've still got my eyes out for another good deal for my uncle. As inconvenient as they can be, I really love the fact that I can visualize the person I'm talking to, whether by phone or PC microphone. I've talked to second cousins in India and England before. And of course I've chatted with my Alaskan friend and gotten the chance to see my Texan friend's new puppy. But I have to admit, the best use of the webcam has come from sending my video to my baby cousin up at my uncle's and hearing her squeals of laughter as I make funny faces at the camera. Today I setup the new camera at home and sent the feed up to my uncle's. This time my grandmother, grandfather, and dad also got to hear her crazy laughter at seeing all of us there as I made funny faces. Hence I feel that my investment in these devices is worth it. One person is able to talk to her significant other over a huge distance, another can talk to his family from far away, and the last can spend time with his cousin whom he loves and misses.

It's worth trolling the newspapers for ads and standing in line for a few hours if it brings you that much closer to the people you love.

Twenty-seven, Heartbeat

She came in asking for a pregnancy test. The clinic director figured it would show up negative since all the previous ones requesting the test weren't really pregnant. The student assigned to work with her rushed back to the doctor with the news that she was. The doctor just took it in stride, possibly because it was her first day at the free clinic too. She came in to talk to the woman, who was obviously happy at her news. God knows enough young women in the same condition, finding out that they are pregnant at a free medical clinic run by students, would freeze and wonder what will happen to their lives. The volunteering doctor then rummaged around the clinic. She knew what she was looking for but wasn't sure if they had one. After scrounging through many cabinets, one yielded the medical equipment she was looking for. Going back to the pregnant lady, the doctor applied some gel to her and then gently placed the equipment's sensor rod against her belly. Suddenly, loud sounds began emanating from the box connected to the sensor rod. Oddly enough, it sounded just like what we hear in a set of stethoscopes except faster, much faster.

As I listened to this sound, I stood in awe. Here was the sound of something new, something untouched by the world I have come to call home in my twenty-five years. Its life could go anywhere, or nowhere. This holiday season, it will bring joy to its family. But as I stood there, I could think of little beyond how cool it was.

Here were the heartbeats of an unborn baby

Twenty-six, Cath Lab

There's something neat in watching an X-ray real-time video of someone maneuvering a catheter through someone's arteries into the small coronary arteries to clear out blockages and place stents.

Twenty-five, Rice

3500 Grains of Rice. Highest score: 45 ~3300 Grains. Huzzah!

Twenty-four, Rock Band

Very neat multiplayer idea. I tried it out and have to say it was enjoyable although my left metacarpals are in some pain. Unfortunately, posting major stuff will wait yet again!

Twenty-three, Late

It's been a long day, but Clinic was definitely something I'll write about more; Bioshock will also squirm its way into my entries as I'm currently slogging through it on a friend's PC.

Twenty-two, Tired

It's been a good 24 hours. Back to the [short] grind tomorrow!

Twenty-one, Weddings

Until I saw an Indian wedding in India, weddings were always passive events for me. The different parts of the ceremony involving different powders, fires, gifts, foods, and multiple chants from different texts, all of it combined together to form the most active marriage ceremony I've ever seen. Good thing since it can easily last an hour and half to two hours. Even the relatives and friends can end up participating in different parts. Customs either passed down locally or taken from new movies depicting marriages in other parts of the country. Stealing the groom's shoes during the marriage and demanding a ransom for them, grabbing your sister's toe as she circles the flames to stop the ceremony until they pay you to let go, the friends and family who sit behind the bride and groom to provide any support they can (or to keep the two of them from running away), the parents heavily involved in the puja working to bring the families together. Guests sit and chat with each other while watching the wedding. Getting up to get some snacks from the nearby food table, yelling at their kids to behave a little, then going back to ignoring them as they run around and cause mayhem in the outer districts of the wedding. A group of older married ladies also chime in with traditional marriage songs. The priest constantly keeping a stream of mantras coming out of his mouth in that nasal tone all Hindu priests apparently can do. And then there are all the ceremonies tied to the marriage puja but still distinct. The puja that morning to Ganesh to call for good fortune for the wedding, the procession of the groom from his home to the wedding place (jaan), the spreading of piti (applied to help make the bride fairer for her time in the spotlight), the tearful goodbyes (with more old-lady-marriage-related-songs), the crossing of the threshold by the new wife into the home of her new husband. Amazing how much can fit into just one wedding.

Today I will attend a wedding. An Indian family friend will marry an American woman. Over in the US, Indian weddings are much tamer. Plus not being related truly makes a guest of you rather than being heavily involved in the process. Every now and then some parents will spend a lot more and set up a short jaan right around the marriage hall for the groom. It's neat and sad at the same time. The groom going around on a horse with his distant Indian friends jamming away to music while the close American friends follow along trying to figure out what's going on and how to dance to odd Indian music.

At times I can feel the spirit of things Indian just being shuffled around in the States.

Twenty, A List

Things I remember from today:

An orphan at the top of his swing
The quiet in the hallways just before our quiz
No pizza for lunch because they were out of defrosted crusts
Typing "Hi" instead of "hi"
Red/brown hair with split ends
Wishing a classmate "Good Luck!" on Bioshock
Starting laundry
Seeing someone I hadn't seen since undergrad
India
Pizza
Blogging

Nineteen, Trust

Do you trust people? I've slowly come to realize that I inhabit a world where people are afraid to believe in each other and afraid of the idea that others around them are there to help them out whenever they need it. Don't get me wrong, friends are there for me as I am there for them. But what about the random stranger or the new acquaintance? What level of trust do we keep in them? Those people with whom we're thrust into situations and we just have to make do as best as we can.

I trust people. People I know better than others, I trust based on how I know them. There are people I'd trust to water plants at home. There are people I'd trust to send some mail on time. There are people I'd trust to drive out to help me if I have car trouble. There are people I'd trust to call my parents in a foreign country with important news. There are people I'd trust with my family's safety. There are people I'd trust to never intentionally feed me meat. There are people I'd trust with my dad's cars. There are people I'd trust to keep me in check when I do go a bit crazy.

Why do I trust people so much? I like to think it's in part because of the Golden Rule. I trust others because of an inner desire to be trusted by others? I won't deny that I get those warm feelings whenever someone sees in me someone who they can trust. That no matter what happens in life, my respect and value for people will never lessen and my ability to help will only be hampered by my physical lacking. I think this is important for me as a future doctor too. I can't build a relationship with my patients if it isn't built on open trust. What I know, they should know and vice versa. A doctor's ability to practice medicine is directly related to the patients' abilities to trust their physician.

In a related vein, while I can lie and I've lied before in playfulness, to lie to protect an image or myself, even a white lie "of no consequence" would undermine who I am. If I screw up, then that's how it is and I don't hide it. If I decide to do something differently with proper reasoning, then I don't need to hide what I did. Will I make mistakes? Yes. Heck, I've made plenty of mistakes already. The important thing to me is that I do learn from them. And that's all anyone can ask of me, myself included. I'm far from perfect, but I will work hard to maintain the part of me that I do know (I'm still figuring out other parts of me). Integrity and the ideal to be truthful are one of the pillars of my life.

I say this not to criticize others (I'm sure they have valid reasons for their beliefs), but rather to point out where I stand and why. My way isn't for everyone. Yeah, it's people like me who get steamrolled by others who wish to take advantage of us for their personal gain. I didn't say my choice was easy, just that it is something that is important to me sleeping well at night.

Eighteen, Teams

I just spent an evening of watching episodes of the new show "Chuck." In addition to that, a friend of mine sent me this link which I loved. I used to play the tuba and marched the sousaphone way back. It's something that I love. Playing the instrument as part of a group of people. I've always enjoyed the idea of adding something to a group that helps define it a little bit more, that helps make it that much more successful. I don't see myself as a glory hound, Now or Later. For me, the fun is in the experiences I share with others who like stuff that I do. Whether it's playing music on things invented centuries ago, multiplaying video games, or taking walks with friends, Things Happen and memories of our reactions to that stay with me. For that, I am thankful.

Seventeen, School

As I sit here 10 minutes before I have to head out for class at 8 AM, I look ahead at this week and take a deep breath. It's like they're making Thanksgiving our fault so they pile up everything in the week and 2 days before the holiday. But, I know, they just have to teach us what we need to know for Board exams next June.

On the plus side, it'll be warm and raining today!

Sixteen, Goop

Imagining that the lava lamp in your room is about to take off like Duck Dodger's ship, straight backwards down through my dresser into the 4th year student's room down below me. That would be a surprise. Then again, we live in apartments so I'm sure we're used to oddities involving the neighbours. Just this morning after I'd woken up and had finished brushing my teeth I heard a loud thump from the floor above me. Instantly, a car alarm began going off. It went off for a while, I wouldn't be surprised if my roommate was awakened. During the minute and half it shrieked, I thought up the possibility that it might be an actual alarm clock sound. I have to admit it would be effective at waking me up, and possibly giving me injuries as I bolt out of bed banging my knee on the cabinet near my bed and tripping over my chair falling against either my computer desk or the nightstand near the doorway. One has a lot of corners and edges and made of particle-board, the other has a beard trimmer on it and is made of real wood. Maybe that's what happened to the poor soul upstairs.

Or maybe my lava lamp blasted off upwards, striking the resident's car keys at the precise speed and angle to cause the car alarm outside to go off. The sounds of the lava lamp
ripping through the floor is what shook him/her awake wondering if the world was ending. Seeing a green-gooped cylinder flying up through the ceiling would not have helped. Then, as I finished up in the bathroom and was exiting, the rocket/lamp made a quick stop to pick up some resident aliens (extraterrestrial, not illegal...although I assume without a visa, extraterrestrials would also be illegal) who setup super-speed nanobots to rapidly fix up the damage to the apartment. As I walk out of the bathroom, I look around and everything looks normal. Until I noticed the one alien who had mistakenly gone through the wrong porthole and entered into the Goop Zone of the lava lamp. He was slowly floating around bumping into other Goop Balls. Eventually his misshapen form dissolved completely and became one with the Goop.

Goop.

hehe

Goop.

Fifteen, Death

Count Chocula is immortal. He's a vampire after all. The only fear of death he has if from a traumatic situation like a stake to the heart. This is a big difference from most of humanity. Over the past couple days, I've heard of two deaths in this world. One is the death of a classmate's boyfriend. The other was my 1) mom's mom's sister or 2) grandmother's father's cousin's wife.

I can't say I was close to either (the classmate is basically an acquaintance), yet overall, they cast a somber mood upon me at the start of this new year. On top of that, I spent time talking with my dad about mourning in India (my mom's brother passed away a couple months back).

About the young fellow who passed away, I think it's just the shock of someone close to my age dying. I remember when my dad heard about one of his cousins passing away during a trip to India earlier this decade. I had never heard mention of this fellow in my memorable life from anyone in my family yet my dad was hit hard by the news of this cousin's death (I think a heart attack, just a few years older than dad). Since people in this world do not really spend every day dwelling on death, it tends to come as a surprise. And it's even more of a surprise when it's someone with similarities to you. This young guy who died in a car accident was of no significance to me until hearing about him reminded me that hey, this can happen to you too! In the same vein, my conversation this morning about mourning brought light to the idea that while older individuals tend to receive a certain amount of mourning, people taken before the oldest generation tend to get more and more time. While my uncle was no teenager, he was "young" to his mom. She saw her son die. It's always depicted as being something huge when we hear about it or read about it. But it's impossible to really imagine being that parent unless, Bhagwan forbid, you live through it.

This is in stark contrast to the passing of the elderly lady (who I'm related to through my mom's side of the family and whose deceased husband I'm related to through my dad's side of the family). Interesting how age is a big factor in mourning.

I think I'll just eat some cereal on Tuesday.

Fourteen, Socks

I wear through the heels of my socks and the toes of my socks all the time. The toe holes are really annoying, but use-able once sewn shut. The heel holes are barely noticed, and impossible to fix. You can sew up the hole, but that completely ruins the shape of the sock. A lot of thought must go into sock design. I know ages ago they didn't even make left and right shoes but in today's world, people probably write professional papers about socks. Then again, someone had the time to imagine edible underwear so who says the human genius is wasted?

Thirteen, Saal Mubarak!

Saal = year
Mubarak ~ blessed

In other words, Happy New Year. And Happy Deepavali.

Wish good health and properity on your families and friends.

Twelve, Meat

I can still recall the pepperoni pizza that my friends ordered while staying at my uncle's home. It felt really weird to watch it come into the house and for everyone to just eat it as if it was another pizza. And that's all it really was, just another pizza. I don't think it bothered my uncle in the slightest (although I think my aunt would have freaked a bit if she'd known). But it made me uncomfortable to see.

I'm a vegetarian. I was raised that way and have not felt the desire to even try meat in my entire life. I don't really care to preach to anyone on why they should or should not become vegetarians. It's not my place. I respect your belief in your own ideas just the same as I expect to be respected for my ideologies. So then come the questions, would it be right for me to ask people I love and care about not to eat meat in my future home? What about homes of relatives? Do I ask them to check with my relatives if they can have meat in their house? It's just stuff we never pondered.

Part of what goes into my beliefs is that meat scares me because it's an unknown. I avoid the meat sections of super-markets, I don't purchase meats, I don't feel comfortable touching anything that has or recently had meat on it. But then I don't mind purchasing entire meals for friends, even when it's beef (although veal did make me squirm inside). I obviously eat out which is a sign of faith in a system that I know has flaws (restaurants mass-produce food for people to eat and don't necessarily have the best dish-washing systems; it's unlikely that I've gone my entire life without ingesting some minuscule portion of meat here in the US). Through these two views, I drew an arbitrary line. I would trust in restaurants to maintain cleanliness and not pursue eating meat on purpose. And that's worked fine for me. I just realized that the line doesn't end at the restaurant or my friends' homes, but will one day enter my own home as well.

The correct "answer" to whether friends can eat in my future home is that it's my house and what I say goes, visitors' beliefs non-withstanding. My friends tell me that and the part of me that makes decisions tells me that. Yet I feel a deep guilt when I cause them to forgo what they want to eat.

That's where I stand on meat.

Eleven, Hope Junction

I have a couple of comparison shots set up today. The one where everything is caked over in ice are shots I took when I was there. The ones with water flowing are ones my Alaskan friend took some other time when it wasn't as cold.

These two are almost the same shot

These two are another shot

An excerpt from March 18th, 2006:
"It was breath-taking. We stopped near Hope Junction and got out of the car and walked a short area from the road. I was a bit hesitant because it was downhill slightly. But when I arrived, Oh. My. There was a little wooden bridge crossing over a partially frozen over creek which was deep down the little canyon merging with another creek a little beyond the bridge just beyond the end of the canyon where there was a shoreline on the opposite side that came down to the merging of the creeks. And the trees were covered in the fresh snow that even then was falling adding to the magical quality of the spot. It was beautiful. And on the other side of the bridge was a small cave with a short ice waterfall coming out of it. It looked like some fantastical place where hidden ice dragons were harboring their captives and there was even a pathway across an icy slope up to it that involved crossing an ice bridge with flowing icy water underneath."

And, just because it's one of the neat shots I took back then

That was a magical trip. Between seeing a good friend of mine and getting a chance to visit Alaska and San Francisco in one go, it was memorable.

Ten, Questions

"PLEASE DON'T COME TO CLASS ANYMORE.
IF YOU DO PLEASE STOP ASKING QUESTIONS WITH OBVIOUSLY NO CLEAR ANSWERS.
THAT IS WHAT OFFICE HOURS ARE FOR.

MAJORITY OF CLASS"

-February 18th, 2004 passed person-to-person up to me in the front row of Genetics

I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes relevant, sometimes not. But I've come to realize that my learning process is deeply embedded in this question-asking. So, I might ask questions and not learn from it, but it is very difficult for me to learn without asking questions.

Often I ask questions that are self-explanatory. I used to explain this by the idea that even if it only occurred to me for a moment before I had solved it, others might want to know, so I'd go ahead and ask whatever occurred to me for the benefit of the rest of class. Looking back on it, I guess I was a bit presumptuous thinking that I was able to figure stuff out but others around me were having trouble with it. But, I still like to think that at least one person was glad I asked questions in class because they were able to keep up with stuff.

Some people learn best when they sit and absorb a lecture with no interruptions. This is where rightful strife can enter into a classroom. One set of students learns with no talking, sharp attention. The other learns with interaction and pointing out of key things. I've spent much time wondering how to teach with these two groups of people. Obviously the majority are "listeners" since they don't ask questions as they occur to them. Does that mean that the questioners must give up the route for their proper learning? I know most people with questions hold them until the end of a lecture, but sometimes, you lose the moment to keep that important fact in your brain and asking it later doesn't help in retention as much as during the lecture.

So what is a Questioner in a land of Listeners to Do?

Nine, Numbers

I like the numbers 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, and 10. 1 is the bystander but somewhat good--usually above whatever is going on in number-land. I don't like 3, 6, and 9. My favorites are 5 and 7 and in my mind they're the ones destined to be together forever but for the jealous number 6 always getting in the way. Funny thing is, I've disliked 6 since early on, before my exposure to the Christian aversion to the number 6. I just didn't like how it looked. In my mind 6 always used evil tricks to keep 7 out of commission so that it could get extra time with 5. And of course, 9 was just 6 flipped so it was always a cohort. 9's job was usually to restrain 8 if it could because often 8 would team up with 7 to take out 6 so 7 could be with 5. And 4 always seemed like a fierce fatherly or brotherly figure to 5, working hard to keep 5 safe (sorry, 5 was the "damsel in distress" more often than not and remember, back then you saw the Princess once in Mario after defeating 8 worlds of enemies so damsels in distress were pretty useless). 3 was the evil mom or sister of 6 and would usually work on 4 to keep him from helping out 5. You would think all is lost except that 2 and 10 come into the arena. These are the idealized Do-Gooders. They have no relations to the other numbers (well, there are rumors that 4 is 2's illegitimate multiple but it's never been proven who the other number is) but they believe in true love and work to overthrow true evil. To that end, 2 easily keep 3 off of 4's back while, whenever 10 is written down in a sequence, he does a good job of keeping 9 busy.

Today is November 6th and this is the 9th posting. I shall make no more posts this horrid day.

(In other news, who Remembered yesterday?)

Eight, NaBloPoMo

For those unaware, I started this because I was convinced to join up for National Blog Posting Month, aka NaBloPoMo (which I think is a scary acronym). It's a spinoff of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) which I think is a bit beyond my talents despite being asked if I would be participating this year. I think I'll leave that to my English major friend as he gallivants to the Gulf to help build homes for folks.

I've been reading other bloggers since 2003 when I happened up Shauny (what's new, pussycat?) while hunting for info on making websites. Since then, I have expanded my readings to many other blogs some of which are linked to from this site. Shauny's friends mb and Jack were easy to start reading since Shauny hosted them. mb is a writer while Jack flies planes. What more is there to say? American Family relates to me more because she delves into cultural issues that can come up living with two cultures in your home. Somewhere along the line, I happened upon dooce who blogs for a living. Yes, she supports her husband and little girl with the income she makes from blogging. And she has amazing writing that really pulls you in and makes you laugh or sob. Speaking of writing, I have yet to come across an entry by Heather Anne that hasn't left me laughing to some degree or another. There are a couple I haven't mentioned, but they are either on the monthly blog entry plan or they do index cards. Then the rest are my friends from school, near and far whose work I enjoy reading and pictures I enjoy seeing. Life is grand because of them!

Ok, enough sappiness, back to that Half-Life level now!

Seven, Mornings

It seems that recently every Monday morning I wake up before the crack of dawn and greet my roommate with a cheerful hello to which he mumbles something unintelligible about where I can shove my cheery-ness (I might be paraphrasing here a mite). Oddly enough, by the time Friday rolls around, the situation seems reversed. I think it's just that by the end of the week, I'm a tired dog who needs rest while he's just excited by it being the weekend. At least, that's how I see it in my mind.

In other news, Half-Life just turned into Doom. Instead of being sub-tle with their level design, I've reached the point where I have to blast everything to hell and work my way through alien environs. Now if only I can get Quake mixed in, I could get a BFG* and kill everything easily!

*BFG of course stands for Big Fluffy Giraffe and not some big [non-PG13-word] gun...[solemn nod]

Six, Politics

The normal sequence of events when Important Things Happen is that my friends and I would react to whatever it was and then share views on it afterwards. Yet there are areas that do not directly impact upon us and so we just never discuss it. Examples are Darfur, fires in CA, how the euro changes in value to the dollar, and polar bears (outside the new movie "The Golden Compass"). But over the years, I've realized there are things that interest me for which my friends have no interest because there is no obvious impact upon them. This country that lies on the other side of the world from me causes this interest that I have. Whether it's cricket games, news on movie stars, events surround famous places I've been, or big changes in the government, I feel some draw towards it that the people I meet and talk to in the US never will, with the exception of other people like me.

I don't see it as a negative, it's just how it is. As I sit here listening to Musharraf's Hindi/Urdu voice coming out of my speakers, barely able to understand half of it when concentrating on it yet listening carefully, I realize it's just another difference between myself and people (and this country) with whom I share my life. If we all shared the same experiences we might grow closer, but it could also lead towards Sameness. So instead it's up to me to inform my American friends of things that happen to be important to me that they might not have given a second thought to. Maybe it's the differences that make our relationships richer.

Five, Pop Rocks

Don't think that I didn't really want to use the packet of Pop Rocks during my six hour examination. Throwing them into my mouth just before one of the hour sections, sitting in the seat working on my exam as they pop in my mouth. After five minutes, I would have opened my mouth and let the beautiful sounds fill the large auditorium disrupting ~149 other students' states of concentration as they work hard to become great doctors.

Ah, the lives we live in our minds!

Four, Twenty-five

At some point, I realized that the world wasn't going to let me be a kid my whole life. Yes, everyone will constantly tell me how much like a child I can be and I can enjoy events from a child's perspective, but demands will be made of me more and more. When I turned twenty-five, I had lived for a quarter of my life and accomplished a lot of things of which I was proud. And really nothing that I could shout out to the world and to get its approval. And somewhere at that point, when medical school finally accepted me, I knew that who I was mattered not to random people compared to who I appeared to be.

Could make a cynic of anyone, right? Instead, I went off and enjoyed the next month of flying kites and eating good food. Truth is, until telepathy is invented (or rediscovered), John Doe won't know a thing about Mary BoBoberts. So that's why I hope that in the field of Neuroscience, some genius will come up with a telepathy-enhancing thing so we really can share who we are with whomever we wish or that they find a section of our vast set of neurons that could grow during childhood to send and receive wireless signals from other humans.

In an odd aside, Blogger's dictionary apparently doesn't recognize "Neuroscience" as a word. Instead, as a correction, it offers up Pseudoscience as the number once choice. Silly Blogger, Trix are for Hindus!

Back to the point. I don't know if I will ever be the person who makes a difference that the world notes. I don't care that whatever achievements I am recognized for also include the name of my medical school. But I do know that I will matter in hundreds of thousands of lives and that their feelings towards me will be more treasured than the feelings of administrators for getting more research funds or schoolchildren 100 years into the future who have to recite my name because it's in some history book for some award.

Three, Spam

"If your girl cannot be satisfied with your weewee, you have to turn it into a schlong!"

-subject of a spam email

Nothing like a long day of exams to set you up for a full five minutes of heavy laughter upon opening your email inbox.

Two, Stressing? Nah

You hear about stressing out and how everyone does it their own way. I'm sure I also stress out, but I will admit I'm not always sure what way I show it. Yes, I enjoy procrastinating as much as the next Joe Schmoe but does my fine art of procrastination at test-time denote nervousness? Or does the fact that I can be extremely non-chalant about six-hour-long block exams mean that I am really panicky? I think of friends and family more during study time but that could just be because I'm not sitting through yet another hour of lecture on kidney stones or Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome. And I love playing video games during this time. In fact, I think some of my best video gaming occurs during study weeks. Amazing how fast I can rip through the original Half-Life when I should be studying Genetics (nostalgia since I just beat HL2:Episode 2).

[cocky grin] nothing like going into an exam with your snarks out on the line!

One, Hot Wheels

For years now I've collected Hot Wheels cars. Nothing crazy, just regular sized die-cast metal cars. Some had more plastic parts than others, but all rolled just right (unless they were one of the older ones I regularly played with and screwed up the wheels). Visits to stores would always include a quick perusal of the Hot Wheels cars in the toy department where sometimes I would go through each and every individual box to make sure there wasn't a cool one hiding in the back.

The oldest one I can remember is an army car with paint that has completely chipped away and the newest is a mini-tank that shoots a plastic battering ram.

Life is good

Zero

And so it begins...