Twenty-one, Weddings

Until I saw an Indian wedding in India, weddings were always passive events for me. The different parts of the ceremony involving different powders, fires, gifts, foods, and multiple chants from different texts, all of it combined together to form the most active marriage ceremony I've ever seen. Good thing since it can easily last an hour and half to two hours. Even the relatives and friends can end up participating in different parts. Customs either passed down locally or taken from new movies depicting marriages in other parts of the country. Stealing the groom's shoes during the marriage and demanding a ransom for them, grabbing your sister's toe as she circles the flames to stop the ceremony until they pay you to let go, the friends and family who sit behind the bride and groom to provide any support they can (or to keep the two of them from running away), the parents heavily involved in the puja working to bring the families together. Guests sit and chat with each other while watching the wedding. Getting up to get some snacks from the nearby food table, yelling at their kids to behave a little, then going back to ignoring them as they run around and cause mayhem in the outer districts of the wedding. A group of older married ladies also chime in with traditional marriage songs. The priest constantly keeping a stream of mantras coming out of his mouth in that nasal tone all Hindu priests apparently can do. And then there are all the ceremonies tied to the marriage puja but still distinct. The puja that morning to Ganesh to call for good fortune for the wedding, the procession of the groom from his home to the wedding place (jaan), the spreading of piti (applied to help make the bride fairer for her time in the spotlight), the tearful goodbyes (with more old-lady-marriage-related-songs), the crossing of the threshold by the new wife into the home of her new husband. Amazing how much can fit into just one wedding.

Today I will attend a wedding. An Indian family friend will marry an American woman. Over in the US, Indian weddings are much tamer. Plus not being related truly makes a guest of you rather than being heavily involved in the process. Every now and then some parents will spend a lot more and set up a short jaan right around the marriage hall for the groom. It's neat and sad at the same time. The groom going around on a horse with his distant Indian friends jamming away to music while the close American friends follow along trying to figure out what's going on and how to dance to odd Indian music.

At times I can feel the spirit of things Indian just being shuffled around in the States.