Two Hundred and Fourteen, The Spark!

Often I'm reminded by a few friends why I need to stay in my college town. Why? They love me. And I do love them. So what pushes me to go away--far far away? My father went around the world for his education, then career, and brought me into the world here as well. Talking to him teaches me that none of it was preplanned. It just happened that way. With the sole exception of that first foray over here. What spurred him to it? That is what I wonder because I'm searching hard for that part of me that will send me off into the corners of the country. I need to know who I am and cut my own path through this world. I love my friends. At times I feel stifled by that love because I worry about meeting enough people to find some who think like me while hanging out in the same places. I need to get out and away--someplace where I can meet others in a similar boat and we can explore our new boundaries, such as we choose to set.

Another sun-soaked season fades away...

Two Hundred and Twelve, Wildfire

It's amazing how fast news can spread in today's day and age. If we go back simply two generations, news traveled as fast as the post did and even then not necessarily to everyone. First the immediate family would get notice and then they would inform close friends in their locations. Dire news such as deaths often had a travelling family member who would go around telling other family members of the death before everyone went to the town where the person used to live for the funeral and such. Friends of those folks would be brought in to take care of the farms/shops/plants while the family was gone.

Now, less then twenty-four hours after the fact, folks connected online have knowledge of deaths of people they might not have seen in years. Those folks tell their friends who are not online about it and then they end up calling others and so on and so forth. It amazes me the speed with which the news spreads, good or bad. Wildfire.

Two Hundred and Four, The Pit

I have interesting family dynamics which I might get into more detail down the road but suffice it to say, tomorrow I will enter The Pit and I don't know if I'll ever see the light again.  But as a member of this family, it's my place to try to change people's outlooks and reasonings.  We'll see how the progresses over the next couple years.

Two Hundred and One, Time's Endless Progression

My world is static to me.  I wake up, go to school, come home, hang out with the same peeps, sleep.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Ever since high school, my life has consisted of this same pattern.  There were some derangements such as weddings or the birth of some new kids or the passing away of some folks but my immediate life has had no change.  At home people still argue a lot and do things the way they want instead of compromising.  At my friend's place, we still get together and play games.  In my college town, I still go out to dinner with people to have a good evening.  I still play computer games like crazy.  I still make mini road trips to see other friends in nearby towns.  

The doc I worked with on my away rotation went through medical school not expecting children since his wife had had extensive radiation for an early cancer and was deemed infertile.  To his surprise, a few years into his established family practice, he had a couple little girls.  He told me how before the girls, time for him was at a standstill.  Now with the little ones, he sees old mannerisms disappearing while new ones begin all the time.  To him time is running rampant and he cannot get it under control again.  He loves his daughters very much but still admits he misses things they used to do when they were younger.  

I don't cuddle up with my dad anymore.  I also don't fall asleep on my grandmother's lap while we watch an evening movie.  I also don't cutely offer to help with cleanup after dinner and instead make sure I do the heavier cleanup so no one else must.  I do still run over to my friends' home but stay much later than I used to.

Tomorrow I go to take another test in a multitude of tests I have taken and that I have yet to take.  After it is over, I will celebrate by either running around outside a bit, paying bills, or playing Warcraft.  Then Saturday I'll drive home for a night.  All of it has happened before and will happen again.

But one day it won't!

One Hundred and Ninety-seven, One Thousand Words

One Hundred and Sixty-eight, Millennium Falcon

My interest in Hot Wheels and various other small, die-cast scale models led me to obtain a replica of the Millennium Falcon slightly larger than a silver dollar. It's currently sitting on my desk. I keep fighting the urge to grab it and fly it around the room. Valiben would tell me that I shouldn't play with it because it would be bad for me. Then she'd say that I should give it to her instead. She never asks for something, she always explains a reason why you shouldn't have it and she should. Manipulative child.

I still love her and miss her.

One Hundred and Sixty-seven, Deliveries and Home

My days this past week included two Cesarean sections, one normal delivery, and one ectopic pregnancy. I've managed to find many babies' heartbeats while they're inside mommy using Doppler devices. I've met a woman who is pregnant for the third time after having lost her first pregnancy because the baby developed no brain and lost the second in a miscarriage. She and the doctor are ecstatic that this third pregnancy is going well and she's getting really close to term with a healthy baby growing inside her.
This past weekend I saw the Engineer and some other friends. I came to realize that while I had become slightly desensitized to bar smoke in the past, my year or so of abstinence from smoke-ridden air caused my throat to heal up and feel Friday night stronger than usual. My grandmother's birthday was on Saturday. And Valiben showed up just before I ate dinner and then drove off to my schooltown. Sunday I managed to get laundry done and I had some good chats with a couple friends.

One Hundred and Sixty-six, Humanity's Progress

I had a family member who witnessed a terrorist's bombing. I will work with my family to make sure she gets the psychological help (from family and professionals) she needs to work through it in her mind. I do not wish for revenge on the ones that did that and killed others. I just wish for proper justice based on the transgressed laws of that land.

Evolutionary fight between physical might and the ability to protect/kill versus moral understanding and the ability to understand/forgive?

One Hundred and Fourty-one, Surrounded Yet Alone

Back in October the Engineer celebrated his birthday far away from us all by himself in Texas. In February, the Beatnik looked like he would end up celebrating his birthday in Louisiana far away from us, but the Engineer went up to see him that night. Today I went out in the evening with Roommate, Amish Girl, and another classmate to dinner and dessert.

I didn't realize until today how awesome it was that the Engineer and Beatnik were able to hang out together over something as simple as marking the day one of them popped into this world. I didn't realize until today what it meant to be able to spend part of that day hanging out with each other. I didn't realize until today some part of what it might have felt like to celebrate your birthday on your own. I realized today that we've been celebrating birthdays together since late elementary school. This is the first year where we couldn't all be together for each of our days. I've been receiving endless phone calls today, but only four uplifted me: Valiben, Engineer, Beatnik, and Lord Chaos with the family singing Happy Birthday.

I'm surrounded by great people, but I can't change the fact that I miss the people I've known for most of my life.

One Hundred and Sixteen, An Inquisitive Gentleman Who Was

The beady eyes bore through the lenses into my eyes.

"So tell me what you do!"

I explained how I was in engineering school hoping to enter medicine.

"Medicine! Such a fine field! You should work hard to become a good doctor."

I sheepishly glance around the room letting it sit upon my second cousin once removed beseeching her to save me from this senile gentleman.

"So how do you plan to use your electrical engineering in medicine? Research on the electrical signals of the heart or brain? Or going more into imaging? There's plenty of money in imaging and radiotherapies! I know a couple companies that produce medical equipment and they're at the top of the markets these days!"

My head whips around quickly. Here was a man I'd never underestimate again. This man, a repository of knowledge stretching back 80-some years, kept going inquiring about specifics some which I'd know and others I would have to admit of having no knowledge. And it was all interesting! The intensity he used to speak to you made you aware that You mattered and your thoughts on his topics were of the utmost importance to him.

After seeing him back in 2000 and experiencing him for the first time, I began seeing him once each time I went back to India. 2000, 2002, 2004, 2005 -- I met him a total of four times. Yet we imprinted ourselves on each other. I always asked after his health whenever I would talk to my relatives there. And they'd let me know how he always inquired about "that nice boy who chatted with me the one time." We met four times yet for some reason we remembered each other and always asked after each other.

Yeah, it got to me too.
आवता जन्ममा मलीसू दादा।

Ninety-four, My Family(ies)

I have two families. I have my family, the Indian one from which my roots come from and I have my American family where by this time I also have planted many roots (Beatnik and Lord Chaos' family). I end up going through the good and the bad with both to some degree. I won't say it isn't hard at times. It's great having these two sources of familiarity and safe-ness but it can also really push me around with the normal demands of upkeep on those relationships. Time to time I feel bad because when I'm home, I'm usually just trying to get some home errands completed that I can't do at any other time. Other times I feel bad because there is some important event that I can't be home to enjoy with them. This is true for both my family and my American family. Having these people in my life is great, but I do have twice the responsibilities (in my head) of other people I know.

These days, the things that brighten my day the most when I'm with either family tends to revolve around the youngest. In my family, there's Valiben, my 3.75 year old cousin, who makes me light up when I hear her yell out my name in joy. In my best friends' family, it's hearing about how the little boy in the family (my buds' nephew) has faith that I'll show up for gatherings to see his little boy. In the past I took for granted both groups of people being there. Now I treasure the encounters I have with each. Whether I'm drilling my grandmother on English or I'm helping out my American family by having fun with Pops while the Mothership is out for the evening, it's worth it. The physical hardships of getting to point A or point B become meaningless in the face of the mental joy that bubbles up from encountering my family--both Indian and American.

Seventy-nine, Uttran

As I write this, people in India are going crazy up on the rooftops, especially in Gujarat. Kites are amassing in the air fighting each other and adding a sense of festivity to the cities that is only felt here when large firework shows occur.

The two days of Uttran and Vassi Uttran are a lot of fun. My extended family wonders when next I'll be able to go back and enjoy this time of the year with them. As I glance at my schedule of classes (which began on January 2nd), a part of me wonders the same. Hopefully I'll be able to go around this time of year once before I'm settled into someplace finishing up my residency. We'll see. In the meantime, enjoy these two pictures of one of many unique holidays in India.

Sixty-eight, Names

It's getting a bit confusing probably keeping track of all my good friends. So here I am attempting a listing of them and with names that I chose not by asking them, but based on characteristics that come to my mind.

Valiben - My baby cousin. I love her.

Beatnik - We've known each other since elementary school and our mutual love for video games. He has a English deg...my bad, an English degree and as of this year is pursuing work with AmeriCorps for nine months before starting graduate school. He is the youngest from a family that has welcomed me into their arms as one of their own. I am proud to be called one of their brothers.

Lord Chaos - The next oldest brother to the Beatnik, his propensity to know all sorts of information is well documented by us and well-respected. His steadfast attitude has often been a rock for me during unsure times both during my undergraduate career and currently during my professional one.

Engineer - This is our Texan friend--Texan because he began his post-collegiate career at a job down there recently. I met him through The Beatnik during my middle school years. If there is anyone I can easily identify with at times, it is this fellow. Apparently we hated each other early on but neither of us recall this. Our similar left-brain thinking often leads us to talk to each other since we can quickly grasp the other's concerns.

Alaskan - She went up there for an exchange year and fell in love with the place. She went up to study bears and ended up studying bugs although she has yet to pursue a degree in Entomology. Still, it was wonderful and I even got a chance to visit her while it was cold and wintery with many feet of snow everywhere during the month of...March!

Roommate - Also an engineer by trade, he and I have roomed together since 2003 when I moved into his dorm room. These days we have an apartment and we live well enough with each other knowing each other's abilities and limits. He is strong in his faith as well as in his collection of electronics ranging from the expected television/DVD Player to the exciting multiple gaming systems.

Crazy Blonde - She too is a friend I made during my college years. She has one of the cutest dogs I've known who loves me very much. She's also crazy. My bad, she's willing to study crazies since she has or almost has her Psychology degree.

Chris - I know, it's odd that I'm calling one of them by name, but it will make more sense when I explain it a little bit. I met him during his sophomore year in college and he, for whatever reason, became a permanent fixture on our extra chair in our dorm room (granted we did have an open door policy while we were awake). After one semester of having him in, playing games with him, heading out for some dinner as a group, I returned from Winter Break and promptly called him Chris instead of his real name. I have yet to live this down, so here's some revenge.

The Kids - Two friends who actually met the Beatnik first since they went to college with him (he went elsewhere than the Engineer and I). They're actually approaching graduation themselves but seeing that they began college the year I was finishing...they're kids now and always. One is a calm, wonderful girl while the other is a hyperexcitable flexible boy. They provide us with lot of great joy, both of the nice, "That's pleasant" type and of the "I need to beat something to feel better" type.

BRS (Biker/Runner/Swimmer) - Yup, he's an athlete. And he's a classmate of mine. We have been helping each other pass our exams for the past year and a half and we both realize the difference studying together has made to our grades. He's a married man as of yesterday (Dec 30th) and I wish him well!

Hmm...I'm having a harder time with the next two in-as-much-as their pseudonames are concerned. [thinking]

Woodwind - We marched in high school band together. She played clarinet, I played tuba. I never let her live it down! Hehe, BRASS RULES, WOODWINDS DROOL! She is currently dating Lord Chaos and somehow keeps him in check sometimes.

Amish Girl - I'm sorry, but when I think of a description of her, this pops into my mind. Truthfully there is nothing Amish about her other than there is a drop of that blood that runs in her family. She is one of my more studious classmates at medical school and the one I know best out of all of them.

That is it for the major players. There are others and I'll come up with names as I continue my blogging adventures. I just wanted to take a few minutes to spell them out to those who might wonder who these random "good friends" are in my life.

Sixty-six, Six? Ooo, be Scared!

Today I came to the realization (based on a sample size n=3) that females have an inherent want to get attention all the time. Tonight I spent time with my cousin (3.75 yrs) and our family friends' daughters (8 and 5 yrs old). HOLY COW! If it wasn't one wanting attention, it was the other. If it wasn't one person trying to play a game with organization then it was another one destroying guest toys. I tell you it tuckered me out!

Sixty-five, Balding

"Why do you keep rubbing my head?"

"You have hair!"

Yup, kids do say the darnedest things. My uncle is heavily balding and keeps his head shaved clean. I'm lightly balding and still keep hair on my scalp. My baby cousin can tell the difference!

Sixty-three, YAY KIDDOS!

So tonight my baby cousin showed up at my home. She is all of three and three quarters old and quite playful. A couple of my friends came home at the same time as she arrived and we had a grand time entertaining her and being entertained by her. It really is a lot of fun playing with kids. Earlier we were at one of my friend's brother's place where there were two two-year-olds and two less-than-one-year-olds. Joys of joys they were!

Fifty-nine, Authority

"Can you believe the blanket we've given to her? It's falling apart at the edges. I just tossed it aside. Help me get a new one."

We walk into the walking closet.

"See that one up there? The blue one? Pull that out, she can use that."

I pull out the blanket--still in shrink-wrapped plastic and lay it on the bed.

"Oh, this isn't even opened yet. Bring the other one."

I put away the blue blanket and pull out a brownish one. She opens up the zipper and I get whiff of blanket-factory-scent. Ewwww.

"Yes, this one will work. Go put this out on the bed for her."

I go off to lay it out when I realize it too is falling apart in one area. I take it back.

"What? Oh, it's bad too. In that case, just bring the old blankets from the top shelf."

I go off to bring the old wool blankets. My toenails always got caught in them when I was a kid and I hated them. Thankfully they weren't for me, but I shudder at the memory.

"Yes, I don't like these but they'll help keep us warm. Go lay this one out for her and then put this one away in my room."

I go off to the other room where our family friend is staying and spread out the blanket into her bedspread of three other blankets. As I'm fixing it up, I hear a yell,

"Are you coming back? There's this plastic still here!"

I hurriedly finish up and go back to put the empty plastic bags back into the walking closet up on the shelf. There's no doubt in my mind that while physically she'll be recuperating for a while yet, mentally she's back to normal.

Fourty-seven, George O'Malley's Dad

It's knowing that you'll never see a person again. The Ultimate Goodbye. I think that Forever is impossible for a human being to really understand. We just put an arbitrarily chosen large number there in place of actual infinity. No communication is possible. Did people feel this back when an adventurous family member would depart and no word would ever come back? No idea whether the ship wrecked and all hands were lost halfway through its journey or whether the fellow traveled the world, gathered riches, and lived the high life in some far off fancy world? What would his parents have thought? His siblings and his friends? This person who has been part of the fabric of their lives, just ups and disappears.

I know I'm terribly lucky in some ways. One of them is that in my conscious memory, I have not had to deal with the passing of an immediate family member. I've always heard about so-and-so dying here or in India but never been emotionally vested in it. I've only had one person go who I felt strongly about; a crotchety old man who I came to love through my best friend. So I consider myself lucky. I complain about not having luck in everyday things but I don't really mind. Not when I know that I've had a lucky life when it comes to the important things.

Then again, maybe I did pay the price for the luck. Just in a vastly different way than most others.

Karma will continues its march and I shall go with it.

Thirty, The Weekend

What to write about. There are the past four days in which I was able to spend time at home, with some little kiddos, play many video games, finish a book, and got to hang out with one of my best friends. But my heart isn't into writing on that. With the advent of Sunday evening, my friend is back in Texas, the video game of the month is on another computer, and sleep requirements will force me to bed around 9 tonight. My body which has been delighting in the antics of the past four days is slowing down in preparation for switching back to "school" mode. But my mind, as with many people, isn't slowing down fast enough. So I sit here relaxed and ready to head to bed while my mind relives different portions of the weekend. Whether it's letting a 2 year old roll over me on his inflatable ball or pondering conversation topics from yesterday and how they ranged, it's all being reviewed and archived somewhere in my head. Only downside is that I usually can't access those specifics after a week or so since the neural relations just aren't maintained. Such is my brain.

I'll be resting soon and at least for tonight I will have vivid dreams.

Twenty-eight, Webcam

Yeah, I'm a consumer whore sometimes. Most noticeably on the Friday after Thanksgiving. I can't help the summons for cheap prices on usually expensive and elaborate items. So this morning I crawled from bed to Staples to get some stuff. Oddly enough, one of those purchases was another webcam. Yes, I typed "another" because I realize I've been purchasing webcams for many years now. To date I've obtained my own webcam, one for a friend in Alaska, one for a friend in Texas, another for the Texan friend's local family, this one I nabbed today, and I've still got my eyes out for another good deal for my uncle. As inconvenient as they can be, I really love the fact that I can visualize the person I'm talking to, whether by phone or PC microphone. I've talked to second cousins in India and England before. And of course I've chatted with my Alaskan friend and gotten the chance to see my Texan friend's new puppy. But I have to admit, the best use of the webcam has come from sending my video to my baby cousin up at my uncle's and hearing her squeals of laughter as I make funny faces at the camera. Today I setup the new camera at home and sent the feed up to my uncle's. This time my grandmother, grandfather, and dad also got to hear her crazy laughter at seeing all of us there as I made funny faces. Hence I feel that my investment in these devices is worth it. One person is able to talk to her significant other over a huge distance, another can talk to his family from far away, and the last can spend time with his cousin whom he loves and misses.

It's worth trolling the newspapers for ads and standing in line for a few hours if it brings you that much closer to the people you love.