Two Hundred and Fifteen, Match!

March 17th, 12:00 PM is when I find out where I'll be for the next three years of my life!

Two Hundred and Fourteen, The Spark!

Often I'm reminded by a few friends why I need to stay in my college town. Why? They love me. And I do love them. So what pushes me to go away--far far away? My father went around the world for his education, then career, and brought me into the world here as well. Talking to him teaches me that none of it was preplanned. It just happened that way. With the sole exception of that first foray over here. What spurred him to it? That is what I wonder because I'm searching hard for that part of me that will send me off into the corners of the country. I need to know who I am and cut my own path through this world. I love my friends. At times I feel stifled by that love because I worry about meeting enough people to find some who think like me while hanging out in the same places. I need to get out and away--someplace where I can meet others in a similar boat and we can explore our new boundaries, such as we choose to set.

Another sun-soaked season fades away...

Two Hundred and Thirteen, Departures

I watch as some of my friends in the past month have proceeded to pack up their belongings and either move or prepare to move as their residencies begin, husbands return to jobs in other cities, and simple need to get outta Dodge sets in. Some of our crew here would fight this, the general erosion of our people out of the cracks of the city to other places. I say Go, Go Boldly and announce yourselves. Whether you go simply to the suburbs, to states a goodly drive away, or to the other side of the nation, Go! Chase your dreams and your education and your spouses. If you must return, come home with the knowledge that you lived while you were where you went. And always remember that we all love each other lots and we can draw strength from that wherever we are.

Two Hundred and Ten, Stagnation

It's not that life is stopping all around, it's just that my personal development has slowed down to a crawl. I see myself as the same person who entered medical school four long years ago. Have these years meant nothing to the personable side of me? Can that side really have remained unchanged as my professional side underwent immense challenges? I look around at people moving forward with their lives--their real ones that matter! and see that I will have to work just as hard at my life as I do for my future career. While I rarely assume things will fall in my lap in most things, I see that in this area I have remained quite naive. Things will work out as they usually do but I will have to help it along a lot. And that means I have to learn, and learn quick.

But what is it I need to learn?

One Hundred and Ninety-seven, One Thousand Words

One Hundred and Eighty-nine, Passion

I had a surgeon tell me about a procedure he was going to help perform back when I was on surgery.  The procedure was the one mentioned briefly in this entry.  And while to you or I it might seem like a long, amazing, and possibly tedious surgery, to him it was why he lived.  The excitement on his face was a beacon for me.  As I go through pediatrics and look back on Ob/Gyn and Surgery, I realized that I want what he has.  I want to experience the same glowing feeling, the same Drive for a particular line of work.  Doctors are in their profession for life.  I want to do something that I will thoroughly enjoy for the rest of mine.  

Eighty-one, Fourty-five Minutes Before Class

I slept well last night. I don't usually dream-and-remember. I do dream but usually I have no recollection. Every now and then I do wake up in the middle of a dream remembering specifics clearly. And then, like this morning, I wake up right after I've finished a dream. I think this is the worst because you know there's a magical world just beyond your fingertips and mentally you reach for it, trying to grasp even a single thought inspired from it but to no avail. It is lost forever to the mists. Some people take on a sour grapes attitude, "Well, if you don't remember it, then it wasn't worth remembering." In fact, I say stuff like that a lot. But something within tells me that with dreams that is not so. That what we dream of and forget is of utmost importance to who we are as a person and possibly the world, if only we could recall them.

Thirty-nine, Compassion Overload

In my lifetime, many times have I been approached on streets by barely dressed 4 and 5 year-olds asking for money. Mothers holding babies begging for a few cents. In all these years I have never given them anything. Yet yesterday I gave some money to, not an individual or two, but an organization that specializes in feeding and caring for kids around the world. How can I condone giving to an organization and not an individual? For me, it has always been easy. I don't believe that anything going wrong can be fixed simply by throwing money at it. Rather, money works better if it's decided how to spend it first so instead of showering the destitute with colored paper with deceased people's portraits on them, it is used to pay for the creation of homes, for the purchase of foodstuffs and medicines, and hopefully on education for everyone--especially the children.

I don't deny that there are barely dressed children running around in American streets. But I guarantee that the number in this country is much lower than in most developing nations. The question then crops up: Do I support a National initiative to help people or a World-wide one? And this is where your individual ideals come into play. For me, the whole has always been very important to me. In classes, the learning occurs at the pace of the slowest learner to make sure no one gets left behind. Granted, this has changed in the past year and a half with the advent of Medical School but overall, the idea remains.

The Numbers. Percentage-wise, the US and India aren't at opposite ends of the scale in their poverty numbers: 12% and 27.5% respectively. But when I take into account the population, the US has ~36.4 million people under the poverty line while India has 321.5 million under the poverty line. For comparison, the total population of the United states is just over 300 million strong. This makes it harder for me to spend on people and organizations that service just the United States.

I do hope I have the nerve to offer up my services to groups like Doctors without Borders or go and provide free clinic care annually to areas that receive no care usually unless they travel hundreds of miles to the nearest hospitals which are too expensive for them and have overcrowding issues. That would be the best thing that I could accomplish to serve my fellow suffering human beings.

Thirty, The Weekend

What to write about. There are the past four days in which I was able to spend time at home, with some little kiddos, play many video games, finish a book, and got to hang out with one of my best friends. But my heart isn't into writing on that. With the advent of Sunday evening, my friend is back in Texas, the video game of the month is on another computer, and sleep requirements will force me to bed around 9 tonight. My body which has been delighting in the antics of the past four days is slowing down in preparation for switching back to "school" mode. But my mind, as with many people, isn't slowing down fast enough. So I sit here relaxed and ready to head to bed while my mind relives different portions of the weekend. Whether it's letting a 2 year old roll over me on his inflatable ball or pondering conversation topics from yesterday and how they ranged, it's all being reviewed and archived somewhere in my head. Only downside is that I usually can't access those specifics after a week or so since the neural relations just aren't maintained. Such is my brain.

I'll be resting soon and at least for tonight I will have vivid dreams.