Two Hundred and Fifteen, Match!

March 17th, 12:00 PM is when I find out where I'll be for the next three years of my life!

Two Hundred and Thirteen, Departures

I watch as some of my friends in the past month have proceeded to pack up their belongings and either move or prepare to move as their residencies begin, husbands return to jobs in other cities, and simple need to get outta Dodge sets in. Some of our crew here would fight this, the general erosion of our people out of the cracks of the city to other places. I say Go, Go Boldly and announce yourselves. Whether you go simply to the suburbs, to states a goodly drive away, or to the other side of the nation, Go! Chase your dreams and your education and your spouses. If you must return, come home with the knowledge that you lived while you were where you went. And always remember that we all love each other lots and we can draw strength from that wherever we are.

Two Hundred and Ten, Stagnation

It's not that life is stopping all around, it's just that my personal development has slowed down to a crawl. I see myself as the same person who entered medical school four long years ago. Have these years meant nothing to the personable side of me? Can that side really have remained unchanged as my professional side underwent immense challenges? I look around at people moving forward with their lives--their real ones that matter! and see that I will have to work just as hard at my life as I do for my future career. While I rarely assume things will fall in my lap in most things, I see that in this area I have remained quite naive. Things will work out as they usually do but I will have to help it along a lot. And that means I have to learn, and learn quick.

But what is it I need to learn?

Two Hundred and Four, The Pit

I have interesting family dynamics which I might get into more detail down the road but suffice it to say, tomorrow I will enter The Pit and I don't know if I'll ever see the light again.  But as a member of this family, it's my place to try to change people's outlooks and reasonings.  We'll see how the progresses over the next couple years.

One Hundred and Ninety-five, Whoa

I haven't read a blog or webcomic in three or four months...

The thought just floored me. It's not that it's freedom; it's not good or bad; it just is. I do realize I've missed reading some close friends' blogs which I would enjoy. But things are as they are right now and I won't fight it currently. Maybe upon residency and possibly moving to Land's End, USA, I might drag myself more to there to catch a glimpse of what my peeps are encountering and doing.

One Hundred and Ninety-two, Death of 'Ole Blue

Around eight years ago the four of them came into our lives as brothers of the same factory.  The gentle blue with a glowing insignia were soothing to our sense, the ergonomic shape eased into our palms.  We four had found our mice.  Lord Chaos, the Beatnik, the Engineer, and myself revelled in our gameplay for many years with these mice.  Switching to each other's computers was simple with the same peripherals.  Orcs, dwarves, trolls, gnomes, terrorists, scientists, Gordon Freemans, robots, Soviets, Allies, GDI, NOD, pyros, engineers, Psilons, Silicoids, roller coasters, trains, Civilization(s), Tribes vehicles, mutalisks, carriers, seige tanks, Jedi, Sith, smugglers, bounty hunters, augmented UNATCO operatives, Ylloj - my frost sorceress, a red Boba Fett-lokalike named Silencer, fantasy warriors, X-COM operatives, cities, evil minions and mistresses who you could slap, Kabuto, and Meccs are but a few of the creatures and races under the sway of our mice at one time or another.  

'Ole Blue has travelled a lot too between three different cities and almost 10 houses/apartments.  He provided my thumb a gentle gel-filled pad on which to rest.  He outlived two of his three brothers in regular usage.  One got lost to the annals of "old equipment" while another hemorrhaged out gel fluid.  One sibling remains who still feels the love of a human daily.  The Beatnik has just built himself a new computer and his mouse will hopefully get to experience it for many years to come.  Mine decided six months was what it could last on my new PC.  Today the years of rough use and the cord's weight to the ground finally pulled some connection loose inside the mouse.  I tried a splint with tape but it can't hold with the pressure needed.

Today I went out and found the great-great-great-great grandson of my Mouseman Wheel, the G5 Laser Mouse.  

It's been hard with it because it is unruly and different.  My thumb sits slightly differently, there are a few extra buttons, and the slide is smoother than I'm used to.  I'm sure I'll get used to it though.  Already today I've gotten to like the slide and messed around with the extra buttons.

But I'll still miss that blue glowing symbol on my first real mouse.

One Hundred and Fifty-four, Mind Stew

The past few weeks have been quite a rough road for me and others around the country. The part I keep trying to wrap my head around is that Life and Time don't stop. Every now and then you get into this point where you're having fun and enjoying yourself but it's hard to stay right in that position without something throwing a monkey wrench into your fun. I did spend some of my days off playing Warcraft like an addict and it felt great compared to the grind of the questions and study materials. But inevitably, I'd notice the time was 2 or 3 AM or my lids would automatically droop and I'd know that when I woke up, it would all be gone again traded in exchange for another set of grueling study hours. The Engineer just bought himself a house and is in the process of moving over there. He's had many points where he had decisions to make and time would force his hand when he would have rather had the chance to make carefully reviewed, forward-looking plans. Many of my friends are looking to the next few months and wondering how their life will look and where it will be. And for them it's probably the scariest. But that's what the rest of us are for and willing to help them cope with. Their minds are all in a jumble wondering what progress they're making on their goals and if they're going down the right road or just a screwed up one. Sometimes they can't even sleep well at night because of the cacophony of thoughts with them.

I still wish my mind would quiet.

One Hundred and Thirty-seven, Mortal Combat - The Pit Stage

obtained from Here

For the past couple months, a certain area of my room was slowly turning into the Mortal Combat level of yesteryear. Up high on my throne I felt nothing until I went to lay my bare feet down on the floor. Splintered plastic stuck up at odd angles out of the floor mat, threatening flesh and fabric alike. Every roll of the chair caused a cacophony of cracks to fill the apartment. My roommate has attested to hearing me rolling around after he's gone to bed.

Be that as it may, I kept it, in true Indian fashion, until it died. Not just died but hemorrhaged out onto my hands. That day of death was when I rolled forward sending a roller through a hole in the mat. Upon rolling back out later on, I pulled the mat apart. Needless to say, I spent the next five minutes rolling together the falling apart mat. It now sits in an empty bean bag box waiting for its sojourn to the dumpster.

My feet caress the soft carpeting under my chair.

One Hundred and Twenty-five, The Horizon Cometh

I've been very successful putting off any major decisions in my life. I had to choose a degree program back in high school so I chose "doctor" which gave me a minimum of eight years before I had to worry about the real world. On top of that I chose a five year Masters of Engineering program as my undergraduate degree choice so I had nine years of school to look forward to. In the deal, I got an extra year when I wasn't accepted to medical school my first go-around. Being denied to all my medical schools was one of the best things ever to happen to me! Managed to travel all over the place that year and get in medical experience at a local hospital. Now here I am approaching eight years since I graduated high school. Yes, the real world scares me.

I do have major decisions approaching fast these upcoming two years. They seem to be coming from all over. The largest one that's been staring me in the face and that everybody has asked me about is what specialty I'll pursue in medicine. Everyone tells me they get their ideas during third year when they begin actual rotations. I hope it comes to me as well during that time period.

It'll be a time of moving around and meeting tons of new people many of whom I'll end up forgetting (no matter how hard I try). I even have some away rotations in the works where I'll go to different parts of the state. While trying to learn as much as I can, I'll also be trying to figure out what aspects of each rotation grabs my interest and which goals in life I want to be able to do while working in a particular field. And therein lies the kicker. In my life, I will work really hard at being a doctor, but for me it will never surpass the goal of being a family man. So even if I find some field interesting or engaging, it will be for naught if I can't have a fulfilling home life as well. Again, I trust that the choices I make will be correct whether I agree with them at the time or not. I can attest to the fact that while I have no luck at petty gambling, I have all the luck when it comes to the big things in life.

Ninety-seven, Methods of Communication

I imagine at one point, like the one-year-old niece of the Beatnik and Lord Chaos, I burbled a lot to people and possibly smiled as they "oooo-ed" and "aaaaah-ed" me. Later on I found I could talk to people about games of various types with different rules (TV Tag rules rocked although we had to specify what TV show names to use since not everyone knew everything--cartoons were a mainstay). Ultimately I entered the close friend era where face-to-face deep conversations would occur. Then came the age of the Instant Message. That proved a mainstay in my repertoire for the past 8-10 years. Of course face-to-face was still present, just not as prevalent as IMs. Now it isn't much of a surprise that I'm entering the era of the phone. Oddly enough most people on this planet with regular access to one have been using them since day one of high school. But due to the proximity of my close friends, I never felt the need to learn how to communicate on it that well beyond, "Yeah, ok, I'll see you in a minute." Nowadays I can hold hour-long talks with people, whether it's the Engineer, Lord Chaos, the Beatnik, the Amish Girl, or the Alaskan.

I wonder what method will come to me in the future!

Seventy-six, Flames Git Higher!

I start practicing tomorrow. No, not actual medicine, chemistry. Aka cooking. I've cooked Indian items probably a total of 10 times in my life. I just need practice to ingrain it. I'll start simple either with potatoes or cauliflower. I'll just cook the vegetable so I can concentrate fully on it rather than worry about it and bhakri. Hopefully after a couple months of making one vegetable or another (overall, they all have the same set of steps for preparation), I can handle more than one thing in the kitchen (be prepared to run when that date comes Roommate!). My safety record is immaculate so no worries. =P

If you happen to see a column of smoke, pray it wasn't the apartment because by golly, my head will be rolling from all the angry people! On the upside, we might get new windows!

Sixty-seven, Flop-flip

Glancing at the clock I realize that it's almost 3:30 in the morning. How times have changed where I'm the one going to bed and wake up really late while my good friends go to bed early and wake up earlier than myself. I used to take a book with me on sleepovers so that I'd have something quiet to do during the morning hours that I'd be awake while the others slumbered. Lately I just collapse into bed and awaken when someone else's alarm goes off or someone shakes me awake. Yup, things are different.

Goodnight!

Fifty-one, Spontaneous Implosion

Is this what my life will come to mean in the upcoming years? Hours spent studying, ignoring my close friends to concentrate on passing exam after exam after exam? Having to cut short phone calls with people I care about; going to bed earlier than planned because of my exhaustion; I don't like estranging the people closest to me. Especially not when I've known over half of them for more than 10 years.

Some of my classmates have adjusted to it just fine by setting up scheduled times off. But this doesn't come naturally to me or to the way that I interact with my friends which has a lot to do with spontaneity. Spontaneity is quickly disappearing into thin air. I have a respite coming up this Winter Break. But even then, I'm going to be spending some time with dad paying for my Step 1 Exam fee and shopping for one good book to use as a Board Exam study aide.

I lost last Christmas because I did procrastinate. I don't want to lose this one as well.

Fourty-one, Humanism in Medicine

There's a reason why the number one complaint by patients about their doctors is not that they don't know what they're talking about. Rather the biggest complaint is that their doctor isn't treating them like a person. They barely spend time with the patient; they just don't get to know him/her; the doctors' abrupt manners affect their patients.

My thinking is that over the past 60 years, medical education has evolved in its ability to pass vast amounts of scientific knowledge to the learners which, unfortunately, has moved hours from the bedside to hours in a lecture hall. This lack of bedside hours equals directly into lack of communication skills with patients. And that's what doctors do. Anybody can make the diagnoses doctors can make as long as they learn the language which is vast. So the doctors have to take the knowledge they hear/see/feel and convert it into English. While I do think it's important to be able to build the knowledge base so that everything you hear/see/feel means something to you, I don't think one should neglect the ability to talk to the patient. After all, if you know everything wrong with a person you see, what's the good of not being able to inform them?

Our Dean recognizes this and is willing to stumble along in trying to find a solution. I'm just sad that I'll be missing out on his changes.

Thirty-five, Work Ethic

Where did my competitive spirit go? I know I still have vestiges of it but the truly deep one, the one that caused me to excel at the work I tried, it has either burned up or been hidden away. I prefer hidden away since the idea behind burning is the loss of whatever you burned. I can recall how during grade school I'd always have the other smart people to compare myself to. And then college came and I started slowing down but it was still there; sometimes unconscious competing against unknowing classmates. I never let it color my interactions with them but I always knew that air of competition existed for me. And then in my final years of undergrad/Master's, I stopped caring. Something happened to change my way of thinking and make me stop caring. Maybe it was the MCAT semester with 21 hours and being utterly exhausted, but I always have a nagging feeling that it was something else. Whether it was my larger interest in my friends, more games to play, more videos to watch, or more books to read, something changed in this world, in my brain to make my work ethic alter.

[shakes brain]...nope, still sleepy