Two Hundred and Four, The Pit

I have interesting family dynamics which I might get into more detail down the road but suffice it to say, tomorrow I will enter The Pit and I don't know if I'll ever see the light again.  But as a member of this family, it's my place to try to change people's outlooks and reasonings.  We'll see how the progresses over the next couple years.

Two Hundred and One, Time's Endless Progression

My world is static to me.  I wake up, go to school, come home, hang out with the same peeps, sleep.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Ever since high school, my life has consisted of this same pattern.  There were some derangements such as weddings or the birth of some new kids or the passing away of some folks but my immediate life has had no change.  At home people still argue a lot and do things the way they want instead of compromising.  At my friend's place, we still get together and play games.  In my college town, I still go out to dinner with people to have a good evening.  I still play computer games like crazy.  I still make mini road trips to see other friends in nearby towns.  

The doc I worked with on my away rotation went through medical school not expecting children since his wife had had extensive radiation for an early cancer and was deemed infertile.  To his surprise, a few years into his established family practice, he had a couple little girls.  He told me how before the girls, time for him was at a standstill.  Now with the little ones, he sees old mannerisms disappearing while new ones begin all the time.  To him time is running rampant and he cannot get it under control again.  He loves his daughters very much but still admits he misses things they used to do when they were younger.  

I don't cuddle up with my dad anymore.  I also don't fall asleep on my grandmother's lap while we watch an evening movie.  I also don't cutely offer to help with cleanup after dinner and instead make sure I do the heavier cleanup so no one else must.  I do still run over to my friends' home but stay much later than I used to.

Tomorrow I go to take another test in a multitude of tests I have taken and that I have yet to take.  After it is over, I will celebrate by either running around outside a bit, paying bills, or playing Warcraft.  Then Saturday I'll drive home for a night.  All of it has happened before and will happen again.

But one day it won't!

One Hundred and Fifty-five, Long Commutes

There are people for whom an hour commute is perfectly normal. I am not one of those people. Today I drove from home home to my school town for a day meeting and then headed back home home. Doing that on a daily basis would make me very introspective and likely to get into a wreck. Roommate commuted for an hour at one point and so a 45 minute or 30 minute commute is no biggie for him. Even those would be pushing it for me since time to be introspective is not necessarily what I care to have at the moment. As it stands, I don't have to drive on my own for a bit, thankfully, and so I'll enjoy the rest of this brief break I have before I start up my OB/GYN rotation in a couple weeks!

One Hundred and Thirty-nine, Obdurate?

For years, I have this little game of hiding my birthday from the world and congratulating those who successfully remembered it. Some part of me was joyful at this minor power play to see who would be as psuedo-OCD as me and keep track of my birthday. Another part of me just didn't care as much. Growing up birthdays were signified by a sumptuous meal and a visit to the temple. Yeah, my American friends would have grandiose parties and eventually I tried emulating them but my heart was never in it.

This year my birthday will be lost in a weekend where I will be helping throw a charity concert and resting from a hectic week and driving home for a couple nights. One of my best friends is in Texas; the other in California. What I want doesn't necessarily factor into what I get. I want second year to be over and a month off before starting third year rotations. Instead, I'll be working hard to pass my classes. I'll be working hard to pass Step 1 of my Board Exams. I want to go to Chris' town where a gathering will commence on the first of the next month. Instead I'll probably be doing some much-needed vegging-out after a heavy week of studying. I want to be fifteen again. Instead I'll be turning twenty-six.

Ninety-four, My Family(ies)

I have two families. I have my family, the Indian one from which my roots come from and I have my American family where by this time I also have planted many roots (Beatnik and Lord Chaos' family). I end up going through the good and the bad with both to some degree. I won't say it isn't hard at times. It's great having these two sources of familiarity and safe-ness but it can also really push me around with the normal demands of upkeep on those relationships. Time to time I feel bad because when I'm home, I'm usually just trying to get some home errands completed that I can't do at any other time. Other times I feel bad because there is some important event that I can't be home to enjoy with them. This is true for both my family and my American family. Having these people in my life is great, but I do have twice the responsibilities (in my head) of other people I know.

These days, the things that brighten my day the most when I'm with either family tends to revolve around the youngest. In my family, there's Valiben, my 3.75 year old cousin, who makes me light up when I hear her yell out my name in joy. In my best friends' family, it's hearing about how the little boy in the family (my buds' nephew) has faith that I'll show up for gatherings to see his little boy. In the past I took for granted both groups of people being there. Now I treasure the encounters I have with each. Whether I'm drilling my grandmother on English or I'm helping out my American family by having fun with Pops while the Mothership is out for the evening, it's worth it. The physical hardships of getting to point A or point B become meaningless in the face of the mental joy that bubbles up from encountering my family--both Indian and American.

Fifty-nine, Authority

"Can you believe the blanket we've given to her? It's falling apart at the edges. I just tossed it aside. Help me get a new one."

We walk into the walking closet.

"See that one up there? The blue one? Pull that out, she can use that."

I pull out the blanket--still in shrink-wrapped plastic and lay it on the bed.

"Oh, this isn't even opened yet. Bring the other one."

I put away the blue blanket and pull out a brownish one. She opens up the zipper and I get whiff of blanket-factory-scent. Ewwww.

"Yes, this one will work. Go put this out on the bed for her."

I go off to lay it out when I realize it too is falling apart in one area. I take it back.

"What? Oh, it's bad too. In that case, just bring the old blankets from the top shelf."

I go off to bring the old wool blankets. My toenails always got caught in them when I was a kid and I hated them. Thankfully they weren't for me, but I shudder at the memory.

"Yes, I don't like these but they'll help keep us warm. Go lay this one out for her and then put this one away in my room."

I go off to the other room where our family friend is staying and spread out the blanket into her bedspread of three other blankets. As I'm fixing it up, I hear a yell,

"Are you coming back? There's this plastic still here!"

I hurriedly finish up and go back to put the empty plastic bags back into the walking closet up on the shelf. There's no doubt in my mind that while physically she'll be recuperating for a while yet, mentally she's back to normal.

Fifty-eight, Yodeling Pickles!

Figuring out what people want for Christmas is always an interesting experience. Some years it comes naturally and some years you have to go on eighteen different shopping trips to eleven stores until you come up with something passable. So I came upon an article penned by Dave Barry which made perfect sense to me: blame the women! Ok, ok, so that's his solution to a lot of stuff but you have to admit, it makes for good reading. If I'd known about it earlier, I would've just shopped online for novelty stuff for all the guys and left the women hanging. But, as it stands, it looks like no one will be getting a pickle from me this Christmas.

Fifty-seven, Home for the Holidays

I've arrived at home and it's the start of a Holiday Marathon. But you know what? I think I'm ready for it. Last year was terrifying what with my six hours of studying every day over break. This year, none of that (no matter which way the grades fall). And after the past semester of hectic school, I don't mind hectic home. Running around fixing things up at home, cleaning stuff, getting presents, and more is just fine. It helps bring meaning to my semesters at school. Normal everyday stuff that everyone else get annoyed by or dislike? I'll soak it in to remember.

Remember what it's like to be normal.